


Opening Up

by softball45



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:02:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2077794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softball45/pseuds/softball45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver feels as if he can be himself with the woman he loves but will he ever get to tell her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Opening Up

**Author's Note:**

> I finally decided to get around to finishing this one up, I hope you guys like it.

It was so easy to open up to her. She knew every side of him, with Felicity there was no mask, he could be himself with her. Finally he could be honest with the woman in his life. With Laurel, Sara, McKenna, even Helena he couldn’t open up about what he has been through. With Felicity he can. She understands that he wasn’t always a good guy, he had to make choices to survive. She also understands that there is good inside of him. Much of him was taken over by darkness but she sees the light that’s still there. She also pulls him out of that darkness. She makes him realize that it’s okay to talk. It’s okay to be weak, to be scared, it’s even okay to cry. That’s what Felicity Smoak does. She makes sure that he’s okay before worrying about herself.

That’s what she did. It’s been a long time since she’s done that. It’s been ten years since she’s done anything like that. He missed her smile everyday. He missed the way she would look at him. The way she would always look at him and silently tell him that everything would work out. He could still see her face looking up at him questioning him why he had come into her office with a laptop covered in bullets. Sometimes he would even hear her urging him to continue to fight. He would never be done fighting.

A car accident is what killed her. It wasn’t an accident, it was a crash. They were on their way to dinner when they got hit. A drunk driver ran a red light and t-boned the car. The passenger’s side was crushed… Felicity was crushed. He watched her die right in front of him. He watched the light leave her eyes. It was something that haunted him every night.

Felicity of all people didn’t deserve to die. She was the only one who had never done wrong. She was so bubbly and filled with joy. She saw the evil in the world and tried to look past it. 

Ten years had gone by and it still seemed like last night life turned to shit. The team wasn’t the same without her. Oliver could barely walk into the foundry without running straight out. Her chair was still there ten years later. The only time it had moved was when Oliver threw it across the room in a fit of rage. He immediately picked it up and put it in the same exact position as when she had left it. The chair was a reminder of how big of a member Felicity was on this team.

Every year on October 8 Oliver would visit Felicity. He needed her to listen just like she always did. He would open up about what that year had held. What struggles he faced, how Diggle was doing, how Thea was doing, even how Roy was doing. He would talk to fill the void that he constantly felt. That maybe one day he would almost feel whole again. He could never feel whole. She was never by his side, she was never telling him how big of an idiot he was, she was never fixing him when he was injured.

There were so many things that Oliver never got to tell her. She was the love of his life. She meant the world to him and he never told her that. Felicity didn’t need Oliver to confess his love for her but now that she was gone he needed her to know. Every night he would look up to the stars and confessed his love for her. He could feel her wherever he went. She would always be watching over him, she was his guardian angel.

Oliver was a much different man from his time on Lian Yu the island had changed him. Just like how the island had changed him for better so had Felicity. She had shown him a different way. She had let him know that he was a hero. He hadn’t gotten the chance to change her. Maybe she didn’t need to be changed. But Oliver didn’t get the time to fully understand who Felicity Smoak was.

Every damn day he thought about her. Every day he looked back at the great times they had together. Every day he remembered her voice. The first thing you forget about a person is the sound of their voice, not once over the past ten years had he forgotten about the sound of her voice. It was nice to be able to carry that with him wherever he went.

Oliver had to continue to live his life. He had to continue to be the Arrow. The city needed him when Felicity didn’t. She was gone now and she wouldn’t be coming back. Oliver couldn’t dwell on the past anymore. But he could never fully recover from the effect that Felicity Smoak had had on him. In fifty years he would still think about her smile, the way she would babble, and the looks she would give him. The way she had changed him would always show through. There was a part of him that was forever devoted to Felicity Smoak. He loved that part of himself, always would.

This time when he went to visit Felicity he didn’t just visit her, Diggle was there too. “It’s different this year. It’s not just you and me talking, Digg’s with you. Your son misses you Digg and Lyla does too. It’s been a tough couple of months for them without you. Being the Arrow has gotten harder for me. My team’s gone. The three of us started this crusade and now there’s only me left.” Oliver took a moment to try and regain his composure. “I started this thinking that I could do everything on my own. You guys showed me that I couldn’t. Without both of you I would probably be dead by now but you guys helped me. It’s funny that I’m back at the beginning, doing this on my own. I might not need you as much but I still miss you. I miss walking down the foundry and hearing the clicking of the computer, I miss my sparring buddy, most of all I miss your companionship. Both of you were always there for me in my darkest moments.” There was a knot in Oliver’s throat.

Every year it seemed easier to let go of Felicity. He had made peace with the fact that she wasn’t coming back but now Diggle was gone too. It seemed as if everyone that Oliver had ever cared for had left him. “John, you were the first person I opened up to. You made me realize that it was all right to stray from my father’s list. You showed me that this city needed me. You always had my back, even when I didn’t have yours. And Felicity…” Oliver tried to choke back tears but they continued to fall, “I don’t even know where to begin with you. Over the years you would’ve thought that I would run out of things to say but I never do. I always think of more things to say. Ten years later and only one thing is left on my mind. I wish we had more time together. Only after you were gone I realized how much I needed you.” 

That was all Oliver wanted to say. Every year he would say the same thing, he needed her. He wasn’t sure why but when he said that it made him feel like she was still there with him. Just like every other year Oliver left the cemetery feeling a little more like he did eleven years ago. For a brief second he could swear she was still there and everything would be right in the world, and for that moment he was whole.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry guys just don't come at me with pitch forks, again.


End file.
